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Post by Riad on Nov 5, 2019 14:18:43 GMT
"I'm not proud of it. But its better than attacking someone."
"It's also not healthy," he retorted, watching her as she slowly backed away on the couch. His movements matched the pace of hers as he sat up, getting his head off the back of the couch. "Your quality of life matters, too, and I'm sure there's plenty of people who will be willing to help you."
Though he didn't outright say it, his gaze did as it searched her face, the feathers now gone underneath hair and his clothes. You don't deserve to suffer, he wanted to say, the crimson pooling under shadows. I'm here, let me help. "If you hold back like this, your primal instincts will overtake, and you'll still end up attacking someone."
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Post by jambouree on Nov 5, 2019 18:15:32 GMT
"It's also not healthy,"
"I know that!" It came out in a rushed whisper- had her voice not cracked it would have been harsher. Swallowing she backed up, until she felt the armrest hit her back. Hand flying to her head she took a deep breath-angry that she had let herself get as far as she did.
"Your quality of life matters, too, and I'm sure there's plenty of people who will be willing to help you."
"Help me?" She shook her head giving a reassuring smile. " Kos-I have the bags sent here weekly from a blood bank. Its been plenty help."
If you hold back like this, your primal instincts will overtake, and you'll still end up attacking someone."
Flinching her head turned to face him, eyes widening. She had only just now realized how close he still was-that he had followed her movements. Gaze taking his in-it finally dawned on her what he had been trying to imply. Letting out a broken sob she slid off the couch, backing up. "NO." She would never ask that of him, and yet here he was, silently offering the one thing that scared her the most "You dont know what you're saying."
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Post by Riad on Nov 6, 2019 15:47:54 GMT
"NO. You dont know what you're saying."
Now, he felt like an ass.
Slowly he leaned back with a heavy sigh, eyes closing as he returned to his original seating position. A hand ran over his face then to the back of his neck as he leaned forward, his gaze reopening as he glowered at the floor. He knew what kind of toll that took on someone-- he witnessed it once-- but he also knew that he couldn't force anyone into anything. Or rather, he didn't want to.
It was good news, though, to find that the blood bank was offering help to her, and that eased the fear and anxiety just a little. But he'd be lying if he said the matter was dropped. "I know very well what I said," his voice came after a moment. "But I also realize that was wrong of me. But, Haven," he looked back at her, softening, "you're not someone to be feared. I know you see yourself as a monster, or something that shouldn't coexist with the rest of us, but you're wrong. I'm just--"
Kos stopped, closed his mouth and looked away, went to speak again but found he couldn't finish his thought. Worried, he thought. Worried and afraid that you may end up doing the very thing you're trying to avoid, but when it happens there will be little control.
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Post by jambouree on Nov 7, 2019 4:03:17 GMT
Squeezing her eyes shut, she let the wall support most of her weight. She was too tired to think, and it had finally come to this. The one situation she had tried her hardest to prevent.
"I know very well what I said,But I also realize that was wrong of me. But, Haven," You're not someone to be feared. I know you see yourself as a monster, or something that shouldn't coexist with the rest of us, but you're wrong. I'm just--"
Stomach churning she turned to him, pain in her eyes."I am a monster. 19 residents residents live here-and I can hear their heartbeats. No matter where I go I can't escape it" She let out in a broken whisper. "Kos you don't understand...why do you think I havent reached out to you? I couldve found you easily." Shaking she faced him eyes red. "Day and night- I thought about reaching out to you for comfort. And I don't mean just to catch up. The things I've thought about doing to you- its wrong." Her hands clenched as she met his gaze. "I know you're worried- you wouldn't be yourself if you weren't. I love you for that." More than you know. If not for you I probably would have ended my life years ago. "I'm afraid I won't be able to stop."
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Post by Riad on Nov 7, 2019 16:00:53 GMT
"I am a monster. 19 residents residents live here-and I can hear their heartbeats. No matter where I go I can't escape it"
Hearing her say it, Kos bristled, and somewhere inside he wanted to say, You'd think that until you hear of what I've done. And then at the thought of telling her, his chest tried to choke him.
"Kos you don't understand...why do you think I haven't reached out to you? I could've found you easily. Day and night- I thought about reaching out to you for comfort. And I don't mean just to catch up. The things I've thought about doing to you- its wrong. I know you're worried- you wouldn't be yourself if you weren't. I love you for that...
Something crossed his gaze, and he felt the pang he had been fighting off for years. Slowly, he stood, his expression hidden by both shadow and his hair. "Haven..." The words were lost just as he started.
"I'm afraid I won't be able to stop."
Now he was standing in front of her, his gaze nearly matching hers as a hand reached up and took a strand of her hair, twisting it between his fingers gently. Somewhere inside Kos knew it was both foolish and selfish, but none of that showed on his face or in his gaze. Even back then, he was caught between the rock of fearing connections and the hard place of everyone already knew where they stood and who they stood with. For the exception of him. But, he trudged forward, tried forgetting about it when Haven left, tried forgetting when he saw the thing he craved between Nikolae and Rita, the thing between Elias and Eva. After so many years of staying back, the weight of the world that rested on his shoulders and the things he tried hard to leave behind, it cracked his resolve and now his walls were about to crumble.
He let the strand fall back to her shoulder. The words were quiet and low, earnest even, when he met her gaze. She didn't deserve to suffer alone. "Then don't."
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Post by jambouree on Nov 7, 2019 16:40:19 GMT
"Haven..."
Unable to read his expression her gaze fell, hand clenching at her side. Now that she had admitted her urges there was no turning back. And honestly she was glad that it had finally been said. But she would understand it if he came to hate her. They were friends, and the things she thought of passed any line that could be crossed. Her head jerked up as darkness blocked her vision-eyes wide as her gaze locked on his. "Kos I-" the words left her as he twirled her hair. Just what was she about to say? Swallowing her lips parted as she tried to think. But it was hard to do with her heart beating. She stilled as she realized. Wait...That's impossible. My heart stopped beating over a century ago. So then who's?...Oh its his.
"Then don't."
Breathing in sharply she searched his gaze, finding nothing but sincerity. And it broke her heart how kind he was, especially agreeing to what she was about to do. Pursing her lips she leaned forward, hand resting on his chest as she hugged him tightly. Face shadowed she pulled him towards her bedroom.
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Post by Riad on Nov 19, 2019 19:54:44 GMT
It was absolutely evident what she was thinking when his gaze met hers, transparent as always. That was the thing with them-- both past and present. They would try to hide everything they could from everyone, but when it boiled down to just the two of them, it was only them. The lies and walls were paper thin, and like that, easily plucked from existence to reveal the truth. Kos knew it, and she knew it, though who knew it better wasn't certain.
The only thing Kos was certain of was that in her embrace, he felt a little thawed out, raw but warming even with the cool touch of her skin. Always opposite of one another-- one willing to speak for their heart, the other keeping secrets until there wasn't enough room. One charging headfirst without much thought for later, the other trying to be calculated in their actions. One surrounded by people, the other on the fringe. Now, they were in sync as he followed behind her, hand in hers, accepting of the chill as it clashed with his warmth.
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Post by jambouree on Nov 20, 2019 0:56:23 GMT
The closer they were to the door, the heavier her footsteps felt. This was really happening- the realization hitting her like ice. Not being able to stop the chill from spreading down her spine, her hand tightened around his. A shock of warmth began creeping up her hand and her eyes wavered. She had almost forgotten what contact with another person felt like. His hand was soft, but still had the distinctive signs of strength and labor.
Suddenly soothed she opened the door before pulling him inside. Swallowing she turned to face him, eyes meeting his as her body moved closer. She still had a million things she wanted to say- yet she couldnt figure out where to start. Was he truly alright with all of this? Gaze searching she sighed-hand lifting. It seemed she would just have to take that leap of faith. Bringing his hand to her mouth her lips brushed over the skin in a kiss. "What do you want Kos?" She whispered other hand on his shoulder. Part of her hoped that she wasn't the only one lonely-but if she was then she needed to stop. She would disappear again-somewhere he couldn't find her.
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Post by Riad on Nov 21, 2019 16:21:59 GMT
"What do you want Kos?"
Quietly, he watched Haven as a tingling sensation dusted over his knuckles. Now that she was close, he could smell the faint fragrance of her soap, the gentle and almost absent presence with how she carried herself. Kos saw that she was hesitant, uncertain, and again his hand found her hair, though this time fingers became tangled in its length.
The reply resembled a quiet warble of a crow, a sort of longing sound. "For things to make sense," he started, his hand finding her cheek, thumb brushing cheekbone. "For the world to feel less empty, to feel the light again. I'm done with closing off the world. I'm done with dancing around the bushes with nothing to gain from it."
The words weren't false, but they did little to steel his resolve with breaking old habits, even if it meant that his skeletons would be found. Kos came to terms with the fact that there may never be a road to redemption laid out for him.
Both hands found her face, touch gentle while his gaze searched hers, fingers tangling in the strands of brown. "Most of all, I'm done watching you suffer alone."
His kissed her, gentle and touch fleeting. Then, pulling back with his forehead resting against hers, the warble came again, "What about what you want?"
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Post by jambouree on Nov 22, 2019 3:51:35 GMT
"For things to make sense,For the world to feel less empty, to feel the light again. I'm done with closing off the world. I'm done with dancing around the bushes with nothing to gain from it."
Almost instantly Haven's eyes closed, head leaning into his hand. It was just a simple gesture but it was enough to send her brain reeling. There was a lot of emotions hitting her at once-confusion by the words she had heard. Intrigue for the fact he had almost sounded like the old him. But mostly- it was the fear of hurting the one person she still had a connection to. Nevertheless Haven couldnt stop herself from relaxing. Eyes opening her hand traveled down his arm, gaze lifting.
"Most of all, I'm done watching you suffer alone.What about what you want?"
Haven stilled, body quickly tensing up as her mind blanked. Her eyelids fluttered into a blink-staring as her face morphed into something that resembled a deer. Something smooth was touching her mouth- just what was happening? Oh- he had kissed her. Sensing that Kos had put some distance between them Haven stared as he asked her the same question that she had. What did she want? It had been awhile since she had pursued anything as material as such a question. "I-" her eyes brimmed with tears as the answer was stuck in her throat. Tell him. Haven told herself repeatedly trying to work up the courage. Shaking her head yes,she kissed him-arms sliding under his shirt. It wasnt a direct answer but it was all she could manage at the moment.
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Post by Riad on Jan 12, 2020 13:32:34 GMT
"I-"
Kos leaned back far enough to look at her, studying, trying to gauge what she was going to say. But when actions came instead of words, he became entirely wrapped up in her, in the moment, in just being/. As soon as their lips brushed again, he closed the distance between them, arms wrapping around her waist as he picked her up and carried her towards the bed. It wasn't all that apparent to him just how much he yearned for this in the past. It hadn't been his whole intention when he came. There was a whole different matter that pulled him here, that he had his focus on, but this--
This was what he yearned for for so long. Kos tried to forget about it then, push it away, not think on it.
But here and now, the connection that reignited in his chest sent a warmth he missed through him, and Kos took his time to savor it. For him, everything else could wait.
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Post by jambouree on Jan 14, 2020 3:54:00 GMT
Haven felt her eyelids flutter shut, one arm reaching out for his neck. Slightly alarmed at the lift she clung to him, continuously wondering if it was real. She had told him she had fantasized about seeing him again. But she also knew it was her loneliness getting the better of her. Did he truly want this or was he pitying her? Every touch of warmth she felt seemed to kill every thought of doubt that carved into her heart.
Her eyes popped open, feeling sheets hit her back- a jolt back to reality. No- this was really happening. Pulling away she stared at him, nimbly disposing of his clothes. Reaching out she pulled him closer- nuzzling his neck. It had been so long living in darkness that she had long forgotten to reach for some sort of light.
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